Note: Don’t read on if you don’t want to hear philosophical ramblings from a sensitive guy. BE WARNED!!
I was talking to a friend of mine this morning, who lives back in Barcelona. She was telling me that she had an argument with her boyfriend. the story is that she went to a party last Saturday, and danced with another guy. She went on and told her boyfriend about it, because she didn’t want to lie to him. The guy became disappointed with her, and after some arguments he told her that he still loved her.
Then she felt really guilty, and this morning she got a message from his boyfriend telling her to dress warm, that he misses her and can’t wait to talk to her again. To this, she told me she feels really bad. My words were:
“Damn, I’m proud of your boyfriend. He’s making you grow up.”
She didn’t understand what I ment, so I begun explaining how communication between lovers works. No, I don’t want to make it look like I have thousands of years of experience, nor had thousands of girlfriends because it is not the case, but I believe I know, more or less, how the human mind and heart works.
I told her that he tries to understands her, while making it obvious that he is still hurt and that he’s going to have an awful day unless she does something to prevent it. This way he’s forcing her to assess and annalyze what she did.
I cannot begin to count how many times I have wished that someone who hurt me, even when its just a friend, did something to make everything better again. That the person who hurt had the balls to confront the situation and acknowledge a mistake they made, try to understand how the other person feels, reach for their heart.
The funny thing is, my friend said that she’s aware that by doing this, her boyfriend is making her grow up. Yet I had to tell her to thank him again, to let hi know that she appreciates what she does.
When a girl you love acknowledges that what she did really hurt you, that softens a sensitive guy’s heart. She was only worried that his patience was thinner and asked me if the guy was about to dump her if she kept doing that. She wouldn’t reach into his heart, she wouldn’t try to appologize, or even to explain hy she did what she did, why she danced with some other guy. She was only able to look at the negative side of the story and not reach into the guy. I told her that probably, that he’d dumped her if she kept doing that, unles she shows him that she’s guilty. Us guys aren’t seers, hek maybe we are. But it’s always better when things aren’t said. It’s not nice to have to assume everything just because of some superficial words. I told her to tell him as soon as possible how she feels, unless she wanted him to have an awful day. “seeing that would bring a huge smile right on his face and make him fall in love with you all over again if you know your words. but you have to feel what yo8u feel, you cant just say that and go dancing with ome random guy at the next party you go to”
She said if it’d be ok to say “How about hey i just wanted to let you know that i feel really sorry for what happened last night”
I told her that that wouldn’t work. That’s too simplistic of a sentence; The heart needs to be poured out in everything when communicating with a lover, you can”t just say oh I’m so sorry for this and that and expect them to reach your heart. The heart needs a lifeline, powerful words that connect right to it and say “yes, this is the heart of the person I love”. It won’t work if you just show a superficial layer of what your heart feels.
Not sure if you people get what I’m saying, or why I’m writing this here right now. I’m just sick and tired of feeling that people don’t show their hearts in what they say, or of people telling me they have relationship problems because they’re enable to show their feelings propperly.
This also goes, of course, for parents and grown people. They often don’t know how to show their feelings. I know many will hate me for it because it’s going to make them think a lot, but that’s how life works.
So ist das Leben, guys. I’m done rambling now, I swear. Have a good day everyone.